She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
