guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
