last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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