I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
