This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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