I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
