wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
