I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
