We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
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You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
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I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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