My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
