one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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