Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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