So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
