I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
