My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i now understand why vodka
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
