Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
