I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
