Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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