I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
