..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
