Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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