TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
