i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
