My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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