all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
