ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm jealous of your bromance
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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