Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
