Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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