Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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