Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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