Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
