If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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