3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
