dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
