Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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