Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
this boner is exhausting
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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