I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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