i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
