Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
