guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
