I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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