you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
