woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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