Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
