i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
