just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
