I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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