if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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