Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
