Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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