Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
