Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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