I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
