girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
