you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
