He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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