So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
