It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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