Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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