the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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