broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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