just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
