so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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