last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
