Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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