i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
