it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
