Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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