i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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