i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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