do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
