I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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