on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
