I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Be still, my beating vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
