I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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