im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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