for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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