Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
