i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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