omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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