A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
