Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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