if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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