I think my fart just growled at me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
