Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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